Posted by ukpaul247 on December 3, 2008
How is it, that when I talk to women that know me, understand me, are my ‘friends’, and who often see me in day to day situations, that they will see things I don’t see?
I’m not exactly a new kid on the block. I have a pretty good understanding of ‘self’. But I simply don’t see the things that they see.
They see women who are attracted to me.
I see business associates
Posted in Musings | Tagged: friends, rules of attrraction, women | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 26, 2008
I socialise with lots of folk, many of them are women. Why am I always being asked “why are you still single?” What is it with women that they ask that? I guarantee they themselves will be in a relationship.
I think its just polite bullshit.
What they’re really saying is, “crikey, I can see why nobody would want you”, but that’s not good dinner party conversation is it. So we’re left with the alternative….
Posted in Musings | Tagged: polite conversation, relationships, single, womens opinions | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 25, 2008
Its so hard to close the doors on a relationship, especially when my daily life brings me into contact with so many aspects of it.
I’m re-focussed and re-energised, BUT….. as Kylie Mynoge once said, “I just can’t get you out of my head”.
Today has been a constant string of meetings, and lurking in the background, in my mind, is Plan C. I know she’s trouble. I know she’s unreliable. And I don’t envisage EVER going back there…. but she’s still there, in my head, with her words…
I had an unexpected email from a blast from the past, wanting to meet up. Lined up for this weekend, all casual like, but it will be good to see her. She always used to have the most annoying habit of constantly picking her ears… never did understand that, but that’s girlfriends for you!!
I dream of meeting a girl that I’ll adore, chill out with, share stuff with, and build a proper relationship with. But there’s always an agenda. Why does it have to be so complicated?
Posted in Musings | Tagged: girlfriends, Kylie Mynogue, love, Plan C, relationships, single | 2 Comments »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 23, 2008
Despite everything, she texted me and asked if we could meet for a drink last night. We met. She admitted it all, bonking my EX best mate, and realising it was all a mistake, would I re-consider. Could we start over again?
The trouble is I do like her, fancy her, want her. But the answer was still NO.
To me, it’s all about ‘TRUST’
I no longer trust her, just where the hell could you go with that?
The meeting lasted long enough for us both to down just one drink…… that was it…. NO!!!!!
Posted in Musings | Tagged: bonking, dating, Plan C, sex, singles, Trust | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 22, 2008
I can’t believe almost a week has gone by….
I decided to keep my head down, and also to check on my own feelings before I recommenced this blog, and now I’m ready.
I’ve told Plan C to take a hike. We met up on the Sunday, and she was dressed for sex. She was hot. And I gave it to her straight. I was ‘out’ and was going to stay out. I didn’t need her that badly. In fact, now that I have a clearer view, I realise I don’t need/want her at all. It was really clear to me that I was just being used. She was suprised, and said she would be happy to meet up to comfort each other…. I’d already guessed that could be an option, and I turned it down. I simply dont need ‘it’ that bad.
It makes me sound like an angel. I’m not. I’m as horny as the next guy, and I DO want her/it, but not like this.
And so, its a refocussed and energised ‘me’.
I’m off to London in the coming weeks to meet up with some mates that live there. The offers been on the table for a while, and so why not? It’ll be a hard hitting party weekend if I know them, and right now, that’s what I need.
I took a walk lunchtime today. My usual windswept place, all to myself, and a few sheep, just to put it all back into place in my head. The trouble is, all I seem to think about now is ‘women’. I’m so horny its not true.
Posted in Musings | Tagged: Plan C, relationships, sex, single, walks | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 16, 2008
I’m glad that’s over.
It’s all a game, of that I’m sure, and I feel a sense of sorrow that I’m losing two people in this. Plan C has gone, that’s for sure. The eyes are the giveaway. Making sure she met me on the landing, away from other peoples eyes, a hug, a few kisses, and then on into the never never land of the dinner party.
I raised my game. I was Mr Chearful/Happy. There was lots of one to one conversation with her girlfriends, all of whom I caught watching me over the top of their drinks glasses.. a look that said, ‘how is he’?
The shister kept smooching in on every conversation I had, and I mean EVERY. He was king of the takeovers. Every single time I was having a decent conversation, along he’d slide, turning the conversation into talks about ‘him’. A couple of times it didn’t quite work, and we got the train back on track, but the averages were in his favour. He won more than he lost. His star was shining bright, he was on form, and he was sprinking the magic dust everywhere he went. What a lovely man!!!
I wasn’t the first to leave, but it was close.
I had another fairwell hug on the stairwell, and a ‘can I see you tomorrow moment. We can be ourselves when we are alone’.
So, the game is on, except I haven’t a clue. I just dont get it. Intuitively, I dont trust either of them (hence 2 x losses), but I fail to get the point of all the bullshit. If it’s over, then it’s over. If you two want to get it on, and shag each other senseless, go do it. Where the hell do I fit in? Just leave me out of it.
Posted in Musings | Tagged: dating, games, Hugs, Plan C, relationships, sex, single, UK | 3 Comments »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 15, 2008
At the end of a challenging week, I hit it hard last night. It was a ‘bar’ thing. Self consciousness goes by the second whisky, and so I had an interestng time people-watching and thinking over the events in my life. There were times in the evening when my whole life was a string of juke-box songs, except, there were no juke-boxes, just an endless stream of wannabe singers with backing tapes, mobile disco’s in pubs, karioike singers, and one bar with muzak.
Back indoors, nicely marinated and crashed on the leather sofa watching late night TV, I get a text from Plan C, can we talk?
Two hours later, I’m in bed, trying to figure out what planet this woman is on. She says she loves me, always has, and misses me not being in her life. The reason for letting me go was that I wasn’t ready to commit to her at the same level that she was giving to me….. now, maybe we should talk about it as she’s aching.
I don’t get it. I really don’t. Is it just a sex thing and she’s not got the balls to say so? Maybe that’s all she wants, a physical thing, when it suits, and then we can all get on with our lives.
I’ll be in the same room as her later tonight, and of course my mate (the shister), and it’s all gone ‘Alice in Wonderland’ on me.
Posted in Musings | Tagged: commitment, dating, Plan C, relationships, sex, women | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 14, 2008
I’m getting vibes from an associate.
What’s that all about?
Sometimes it feels like I’m simply a puppet waiting to have the appropriate strings pulled.
She’s not really ‘my type’ and you know what? I think she has the same premise. It’s not about type. In this case, it’s ‘physical’. Rather than doing a plan ‘D’, lets go with the Feisty Brunette shall we.
It’s a father figure thing. It’s OK, I’m already over it!!! Give me time, and so will she be.
Posted in Musings | Tagged: brunette, dating, father figure thing, Plan d, women | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 12, 2008
Plan c has invited me to a dinner party.
Just her and a few friends, eight of us in total, and I’ll be one of only two guys, the other being my mate, yes, the same one!!
So whats with the games, or am I wrong?
Should I or shouldn’t I go?
The way I figure it, I may as well go, and do my best ‘charm’ offensive. I quite like a couple of her girlfriends, practically everyone will be drinking (not me, as I’ll be driving), so guards should be down. The last party saw most of the room sozzled and some very suggestive comments were whispered to me, despite me still being in a relationship. It could be good.
Had my coffee fix around lunchtime today, and plan a was there. She made a point of starting a conversation with me. I was being cool and slightly submissive, and she just oooozed into me. Oh how I wish. If only I was sure. So I guess that comes down to fear of rejection then? Its crazy. I’m a confident guy, except in this area of attraction/rejection. I’m pretty good at reading signals, except when its personal. Why is that?
Posted in Musings | Tagged: coffee, dating, fear of rejection, games, rules of attrraction, single, UK | Leave a Comment »
Posted by ukpaul247 on November 10, 2008
Had a text from plan c last night. Was it Ok to have a chat, didn’t want to disturb me. This is a big deal as she is Soooo playing games. She needed space, so I gave her space. She needs to chat, so fine, lets chat. It’s all a game to her and I can’t quite work it all out. To be fair, I’m playing my games right back at her, although, as a guy, I’m probably already being played without even knowing it. My games are more to do with playing my best cards. As an example, I know I have a great voice, in fact c has often commented on it, and I knew a woman once who used to phone my mobile when she knew it would be turned off, just so she could hear my voice (and get turned on). So, I made sure I kept my voice in ‘the zone’. God I hope she had a tremble!!
Plan c is my ex. The one who has recently ‘let me go’. I’m pretty sure she’s having some physical action with my best mate, some best mate eh? Now him, I can understand. His brain is between his legs, and its all out of his control, and he thinks I haven’t a clue.
As for her? You know, in a way, I’m glad to be off the hook. It was never right, and now I can play the poor rejected thing a little…. not that I have, well, just a little pucker. That’s ‘pucker’.
Games. What’s that all about? My perfect start would be two equal people, looking for something, but also valueing their own space. This weekend at yours, next weekend at mine, and the following weekend with mates. As a starting point that sounds ideal. But games?
Tomorrow I have a lunch business networking event to attend. I wonder?
Posted in Musings | Tagged: dating, games, networking, single, teasing, women | Leave a Comment »